Sir Integra Hellsing could smell Alucard before she saw him. Unfortunately for her, Alucard had a tendency to invade her personal space, half killing her with waves of undead B.O. “Alucard!” she exclaimed as he materialized right next to her, making her gag on the stench. “Yes, Master?” he responded, completely unaware. /Did God not bless him with a sense of smell?/ Sir Integra wondered. She clamped a hankie against her nose and mouth before continuing. “Alucard. You stink really badly. GO TAKE A BATH!” She commanded, her voice coming out muffled. Alucard left, confused, and Sir Integra took a deep breath.

Alucard found Seras Victoria, knowing that she would help him. He walked into her room/ cell, making sure to knock. “Police Girl? Could you help me? Please?” Alucard asked, puppy dog look in his eyes. “Sure Master!” Seras exclaimed, always eager to please. “Well, Master wants me to… take a bath.” He explained. Suddenly, Seras wasn’t so eager anymore.

When they reached the bathroom, Seras began running the water while Alucard admired all the shiny fixtures. He looked into the mirror, but couldn’t deduce its purpose. “Police Girl? What’s this for?” he asked. “Humans use it to look at themselves, but I guess we can’t.” Seras responded, while pouring in some bubblebath for good measure. This was the part she’d been dreading. “Okay, Master…take off your clothes and hop into the bath” she instructed, snapping her eyes shut. Seras waited until she heard the splash of the elder vampire getting into the bath before opening her eyes. After demonstrating to Alucard how to wash, she bundled up his clothes for Walter to clean. Satisfied that Alucard could handle the rest on his own, she went back to her room to rest.

Alucard soon finished washing. He had no idea what to do next. Suddenly, he had a brainwave. /I’ll show Master how clean I am! / He jumped out of the bath and made his way to Sir Integra’s office.

Sir Integra was sipping on a cup of hot tea. Alucard materialized right in front of her.
“See how clean I am!” he exclaimed. Sir Integra began spluttering on her tea. “WALTER!!!” she finally managed to scream, after inhaling half her tea and spilling the rest.

Walter soon arrived at the scene. Sir Integra was hyperventilating under her desk, and a naked, confused Alucard was beaming happily. Walter led the soggy vampire back to the bathroom to get changed. Walter, being male, was better equipped to handle such things.

“Alucard?”
“Yes, Master?”
“…Hand me that silver ashtray.”
WHAM.
“HOW DARE YOU!”
WHAM.
“I…didn’t…”
WHAM.
“SHUT UP!”
WHAM.
“YOU DON’T JUST BARGE INTO…ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!”
WHAM.
“PAY ATTENTION!”
WHAM.
“I am, Master…”
WHAM.
“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!”
WHAM.
“YOU DON’T JUST BARGE INTO A LADY’S OFFICE COMPLETELY NAKED!”
WHAM.
“I…just wanted to show you how clean I was…”
WHAM.
“SHUT UP!”
WHAM.
“I DON’T CARE! YOU. DON’T .DO.IT.”
WHAM.

Integra lit her cigar, her hands shaking with rage as her servant trembled, bleeding, on the floor. She had just received more pathetic poetry from Enrico Maxwell, and that was probably why she was in such a bad mood. Alucard barging into her office naked had been the last straw. Her voice softened when she addressed her insubordinate next.
“Alucard. You may go.” Her anger flared when she spoke again.
“I need to call Iscariot and tell Maxwell to shove…his…poetry…up…his…ASS!”